Bumpus starts preschool day after tomorrow. I had a little preview of what my life will be like this summer when I dropped him there Sat with no plans in particular for myself and opted to have a lovely picnic at the Silverlake meadow, just me and Theo. Remember those days of one immobile baby on a blanket? How did I not acknowledge how frigging easy life was then? Just as youth is wasted on the young, so is the ease of first time motherhood on first time mothers. I'm telling you, the second baby is so much easier, for a million reasons, but not the least of which is the first hand knowledge of how much harder it gets later, coupled with already being acclimated to the daily indignities of being woken up all night, being peed and thrown up on on a daily basis, etc. But somehow I never pictured myself having the luxury again of lying on a blanket reading with a happy, cooing baby next to me. I couldn't kiss him enough and I could tell the people around me were pretty charmed.
It's just so odd to be having this experience at (nearly) 42. I think of myself and use the term "young mother", but that of course means the children are young, not me. I could very easily be their grandmother. Everything is so fresh and new, yet I am soooo not. It's so weird to think how different things will be when the boys are teenagers - what I'll look like, what car we'll have, what the house will look like (assuming we even still live here). And that someday I will look back at pictures of me in my forties with a baby and a toddler and think even with my crow's feet and turkey neck how young I looked.
For some reason a lot of people have asked me lately if I'm having any more children. My stock answer is that if I were only younger, yes I would. And that's really true. Yes, despite how much I bitch about being a full time stay at home mom and how hard toddlers are, I would have at least one more if I had a husband, more money, and a few more years in my thirties ahead of me. Mostly because everything about this last pregnancy and birth was so much easier, and all my fears about having more than one child have not come true. If I could wait until Bumpus was in kindergarten to have another, I would. But I don't have that kind of time. Another lifetime, huh?
In the meantime, Theo has porked up a lot in the last couple of weeks. He is solid as a linebacker and is wearing his six month onesies. Does this mean he will be able to sleep through the night soon? God I hope so! His new habit is to wake around 10 or 11, then again around 1 AM, then after that it's kind of a blur. I preferred it when he didn't wake at all until 1 or later...but I have noticed he sleeps better in the morning when he wakes up at 10 to be fed. So, I'm down with that.
Either he's super easy or I'm just better at this now, but this child doesn't give me a lick of trouble. Sure, he screams his head off in the car, is tough to put down, throws up gallons all day long soaking anything he comes in contact with. But in the scheme of things, eh. It's no big deal. Mostly he's just cute and dimply and coos and squawks and pulls his legs up so he looks like a little peanut. And I want to Eat.Him.Up.
Yes, it was so much easier then. I always tell people enjoy the "carseat with a handle" days 'cause you're going to miss how quickly you can get things done!
ReplyDeleteI am right with you on the "if I were younger" ...& looking at the recent pictures you'e posted of yourself, you don't look 42. Because you look so young & you have young children, I bet people just assume you're in your thirties, not forties.
ReplyDeleteYes, the newborn days are SO much easier! But of course, I didn't appreciate just how easy it was when I was living it. I sure do miss those days. PS - this is Solo Mama. Blogspot always gives me trouble when i try to comment!
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