I Didn't

Just for my own (and hopefully someone else's) entertainment, since I have found myself recounting the story of "all the things that could have gone wrong, but didn't" about the pregnancy/birth to so many friends lately, I thought I would write it out. It's quite amazing when you look at it, and I hope will give some succor to anyone reading who is experiencing anxiety about their upcoming pregnancy/birth.

I didn't have a chemical pregnancy

I didn't ever have an ultrasound in which I was told, "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat"

I didn't find any problems in any genetic tests

I didn't get cut down by debilitating nausea

I didn't get put on bed rest

I didn't miscarry

I didn't go into pre-term labor

I didn't have a preemie at any time

I didn't go too late and have to be induced

I didn't trip and fall and suffer placental abruption

I didn't have any bleeding that actually meant anything

I didn't get an infection that jeopardized the baby

I didn't gain tons of weight

I didn't hurt myself or the baby while caring for my heavy two-year-old

I didn't get in a car accident

I didn't develop gestational diabetes, HELLP syndrome, pre-eclampsia, cholestasis, or PUPPS

I didn't have incompetent cervix and have to have a cerclage

I didn't have to have an emergency c section

I didn't have to have a planned c section

I didn't hemorrhage and have to have a blood transfusion

I didn't get stuck delivering at home, in the car, in an ambulance, or at some random ER

I didn't get stuck panicking over child care while in labor

I didn't end up delivering alone because the doula didn't make it

I didn't have prodromal labor for days or weeks

I didn't have to drag some well-meaning friend out of bed in the middle of the night to drive me to the hospital

I didn't have my water break somewhere inconvenient

I didn't go into labor far from home or the hospital 

I didn't repeatedly get sent home from the hospital being told I was not in labor

I didn't get stuck on pitocin, magnesium, or any other unpleasant drug

I didn't throw up

I didn't snap at anybody and have to apologize later

I didn't have an epidural that went horribly wrong

I didn't have a baby in major distress during labor

I didn't have a baby that got stuck and had to be vacuumed out

I didn't majorly tear, I don't think - because -

I didn't ask

I didn't have a panic attack

I didn't find myself mentally or physically incapacitated after giving birth

I didn't have a weird/disappointing reunion with my older child, also re: the brothers meeting

I didn't have milk supply issues

I didn't have a baby with unexpected health issues

I didn't panic upon being left alone with two little kids

I didn't let the house go, stop showering, or putting on mascara

I didn't ever have the thought that a second child, or any children, was a terrible mistake 

So basically, so many of the fears I had simply did not come to fruition. Oh, except for the pooping. That happened. But pretty small compared to what could have happened, right?