So after a day and a half of normal meals, water, and taking my iron again, I feel like a human being. We did a big grocery trip today and then traipsed around in the heat and sun at the LA Arboretum. If you had asked me Friday morning if I felt I could handle labor I would have said hell no - now I feel more up to it as my strength is back. So, bring it on, right? Right??
Just read up (via google) about inductions at 41 weeks. Of course The Hippies say don't induce ever under any circumstances, certainly not for just being past your due date. That all babies know when they want to be born and our bodies know best, etc. Perhaps it's my odd religious background but I rarely agree that our bodies are so brilliant. Our bodies give us cancer, for crying out loud. Sometimes they don't know what's best for us-!
It does worry me that what if my body does not and will not go into labor on its own (an irrational fear, but one I've had. Kind of like when I was weeks from turning 14 and hadn't had my period yet - I was fairly convinced something was wrong with me and I would just never get it). That if I were super stubborn (I'm not) and just waited and waited that the baby would just die and that would be it. And I'm not one of these people with a miscalculated due date that's weeks off. No, my due date is absolutely next Friday. But what this means to the baby, my placenta, my blood pressure, and my body in general, remains to be seen. After aaaaalll this...all these months, all these hurdles passed, now down to the very end...am I really going to be one of these people that goes way past her due date and ends up with an induction or scary emergency c section? Is that my fate?
There's no answer to this. It's out of my control, which of course I hate. But I do have faith that I'm in good hands with Kaiser and my doula, and that they will help me if decisions have to be made.
I will say, though, that I am tired of thinking about this stuff. It is completely all-encompassing at the moment which makes me feel very boxed in and short sighted, like there's no future beyond two weeks from now and no past beyond yesterday. Even talking with my sister today about plans for updating my kitchen years from now was so refreshing; that yes, there is life past having this baby, that there is something else going on in the world other than having this baby. I'd like to get back to the real world now, please.