As a single parent I am so entirely focused on my relationship with my one son (no significant other in the way) that it's hard - indeed, almost impossible - for me to fathom bringing a third dynamic into this house. Right now it's just me-Bumpus. But very soon - in just six weeks! - it will be me-Bumpus, me-Theo, and Bumpus-Theo. I'm haunted by many of the concerns women about to have second children have: will I love the second as much as the first, what if the second is a handful, what if the two boys bond together and shut me out, what if I bond more with one of the boys and shut the other out and break his heart? But honestly I've read enough and talked to friends enough that I know none of these things will happen - I know that your heart expands for all of your offspring; I know that your kids should bond since one day they'll only have each other. So these are fleeting concerns at worst.
Still, B and I have been having a pretty good time lately (now that the hitting crisis is over!) and a lot of snuggly time, and it is very bittersweet, knowing these are the last days of "just us". He won't remember it, and I'm sure I barely will, years from now when life without Theo will be unimaginable.
The last three nights B has done something he's never done before - gotten out of bed in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with me. It's because he's been sick, awful congestion and coughing all night (only seems to be at night, and no fever, so I'm just keeping an eye on it), and I can tell he just needs to be comforted, so I've been indulging him. But I know I'm going to have to stop it - it makes sleep for me utterly impossible (sleeping with a two-year-old is no bueno) so I'm exhausted, and once the baby comes, that's his spot. So I have to figure out how to handle it. I could just keep his door closed - but I don't want to scare him (I know he'll just scream until I come and get him); I think I'm going to have to gently put him back in his bed, letting him know the days of crashing mom's room at 3AM are officially over. He'll still scream but it seems nicer than just keeping him trapped. I'm just doing everything I can to make sure a habit doesn't suddenly change when the baby arrives - I don't want him to associate anything negative or any "shutting out" with Theo showing up. So, got to nip this one in the bud, I'm afraid.
I have tried to think about how I will handle this, shall it one day occur. I guess it will depend on whether or not I can sleep through it. I was terrified of sleeping alone for many, many years. For that reason, I am glad my kids have each other (even my younger brother's sleeping presence was a comfort). Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to believe it just 6 weeks until you are due to be a family of three. I may never see you again (just kidding, we'll figure something out).
I'm glad the last days of it being just the two of you are more positive. Probably in the beginning it will be rough, but it will be wonderful for them to bond and have each other. And maybe once Theo is a little older and better able to interact with B they'll be a great source of entertainment for each other and you'll get some much need breaks.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am glad that things have settled down and that you two are enjoying each other again.
ReplyDeleteI think returning him to bed is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Lots of parents do it, even without a newborn in the bed. I think you are smart to do it now so that Bumpus doesn't associate it with Theo (Rumpus?).
B might be a little jealous at the beginning, but he and Theo will most certainly become best pals and the three of you will have great lives together! (I'm a little bit jealous that B will be having a sibling because I so wish I could do that for Sidekick.)
ReplyDeleteI love the trash pic! Felix has been known to dig for seconds when he especially liked dinner. Disgusting and hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI think your idea of bringing B back to his bed is a great one. I think the best way to do it is with no talking or giving him real attention, just silently return him to his bed. If he doesn't get reinforcement out of it, he shouldn't keep coming back to you over and over. Good luck getting your bed back just in time for it to be taken over again! ;)
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