As a single parent I am so entirely focused on my relationship with my one son (no significant other in the way) that it's hard - indeed, almost impossible - for me to fathom bringing a third dynamic into this house. Right now it's just me-Bumpus. But very soon - in just six weeks! - it will be me-Bumpus, me-Theo, and Bumpus-Theo. I'm haunted by many of the concerns women about to have second children have: will I love the second as much as the first, what if the second is a handful, what if the two boys bond together and shut me out, what if I bond more with one of the boys and shut the other out and break his heart? But honestly I've read enough and talked to friends enough that I know none of these things will happen - I know that your heart expands for all of your offspring; I know that your kids should bond since one day they'll only have each other. So these are fleeting concerns at worst.
Still, B and I have been having a pretty good time lately (now that the hitting crisis is over!) and a lot of snuggly time, and it is very bittersweet, knowing these are the last days of "just us". He won't remember it, and I'm sure I barely will, years from now when life without Theo will be unimaginable.
The last three nights B has done something he's never done before - gotten out of bed in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with me. It's because he's been sick, awful congestion and coughing all night (only seems to be at night, and no fever, so I'm just keeping an eye on it), and I can tell he just needs to be comforted, so I've been indulging him. But I know I'm going to have to stop it - it makes sleep for me utterly impossible (sleeping with a two-year-old is no bueno) so I'm exhausted, and once the baby comes, that's his spot. So I have to figure out how to handle it. I could just keep his door closed - but I don't want to scare him (I know he'll just scream until I come and get him); I think I'm going to have to gently put him back in his bed, letting him know the days of crashing mom's room at 3AM are officially over. He'll still scream but it seems nicer than just keeping him trapped. I'm just doing everything I can to make sure a habit doesn't suddenly change when the baby arrives - I don't want him to associate anything negative or any "shutting out" with Theo showing up. So, got to nip this one in the bud, I'm afraid.