Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Woman Who Knew Too Much

Today I spoke briefly with someone from the professional ticketing company for my event - I gave him the rundown, and he said he'd have his boss call me tomorrow. I am very nervous about it. I hate, hate, hate negotiating fees. I keep telling myself this is not meant to be a money saving venture, it's a time saving venture and a bump up for my level of professionalism. So honestly even if it somehow costs me more, I should still probably do it. There are so many advantages - a mobile app people can use to register (hurrah), incentives to get people to "share" my event for discounts via Facebook, a professional registration form instead of the clunky 90s-looking one I have now, etc etc. It's so hard when everything in my life right now is screaming at me, "Cut costs! Cut costs!" But in this arena I may have to spend. Ugh. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. But honestly I'd be crazy not to hire them. I feel like if I present this event more professionally people will treat it more professionally. 

Sure enough, my house is covered in plaster dust. Even in rooms that had two closed doors between them and where the sanding was happening; I had to wipe down B's entire high chair before he could eat lunch. Jesus. Tomorrow, trim and paint. Which means another day of keeping B out of the house right up until bed time, unless I want his little fingerprints in the paint for all eternity. He currently has two big scratches and bruises on his forehead - one from falling off the edge of the bed this morning, then another from falling and skidding on concrete at a playground. Let the injuries commence!

I just spent a little time perusing my old medical records to see when everything started to "go south" with my health in the last pregnancy; much to my dismay it appears nearly all of the bad news was in the last few weeks. So yes, at the halfway point last time everything was still looking dandy, much like it is now. I am consumed with a feeling of a Sword of Damocles hanging over my head; that I will get pre-e again, have to induce again, or even worse, some other fucked-up thing will come entirely out of left field that I'll have to deal with. Since I'm now at the point where so many friends had to be put on bed rest and/or went into pre-term labor, I am consumed with fear about that - every ache or pain is a contraction; every heavy feeling is the baby dropping into my shortened cervix. Relax and stop worrying, right? There's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about, right? Already two of my big fears - not being able to get pregnant, and having horrible morning sickness, have been proven to be baseless this time around. But, I don't know. I just feel like come the third trimester everything is going to turn to shit. Stop being so negative, think happy thoughts, right? I was so good about that last time. I think the problem is this time I know too much. Or maybe it's just hormonal.

Could I have my Hormonal Sex Fog back, please? That was WAY more fun than this bull crap.

1 comment:

  1. Jenn DDS tells me "don't have your pain in advance." Repeatedly. I'm still working on it. But they seem good words to live by.