Wednesday, October 16, 2013


So, 24 hours after my gender scan and big reveal (called various US relatives, who did not even know I was pregnant, and e-mailed the Brazilians, plus put out the announcement on Facebook, which was a whole "thing" in itself). How am I feeling about boy vs girl? Am I experiencing "gender disappointment"?

I can honestly say no, and you know I wouldn't bullshit you. When I saw his little winkle on the screen (and this may sound kind of pervy, but little baby penises are pretty much the cutest thing ever) I just sort of knew it was our destiny, and did not feel a pang of disappointment. I knew it was right for B - he needs another guy in this family. This is for him, after all, not me. So my desire to work out my childhood issues by having a girl is trumped by Bumpus' need to have someone to share his maleness with. And so once again it is very clear to me how very much it is not about me anymore. Dammit.

The 'rents were expectedly surprised and happy for me. As much as I bitch about them, on this particular topic they are extremely supportive, for which I am very grateful (but really, if they weren't...who cares? Just another reason not to have anything to do with them!). My mother said she thought I'd change my mind, only because so many women, herself included, do. Her first birth experience in the 60s sounded pretty nightmarish; yet ten years later she did it again. So, there you go.

Facebook has been interesting. I'm really glad I made a formal announcement about the pregnancy which I did not do last time...but really should have. Of course everyone who commented was thrilled and supportive and most of all, surprised. It makes me wonder how many people think B was an "oopsie". I'm sure some must, since I've never breathed a word on FB about B being donor conceived or my being in those circles (ie, I don't forward links about being an SMC, etc). And even today, when a single woman has a baby, people just don't automatically go to "donor!" They think one night stand, or failed relationship. Which is natural, I guess. But I will admit there is a little part of me that's glad I'm having two just to prove to the world that yes, this was all intentional. Here are my two red headed boys - they were not unwanted mistakes. I'd have to be pretty lame to accidentally get knocked up - in my 40s - by the same person - twice! 

Progress on B's room is slow, but it is happening. Tomorrow the guy starts framing the wall; he may drywall it Friday, and then next week all the trim/painting/door hanging. He baby proofed some cabinets for me, and did a few other minor repairs around here. I have no idea how the transition to the new room will go. Like everything else, it will either be a snap, or an ordeal. I figured I would maybe put the pack 'n play in there for sleeping first so at least that part of it is familiar; then try the toddler bed and see what he thinks. Who knows, he might totally dig it. Or it might scare him. All I can do is not push anything and be patient. The most important thing is getting his room set up well before the baby arrives, and that will happen. 

I'll admit I had a bit of a craptastic day today. I slept hardly at all due to awesome pregnancy insomnia, and it was wicked hot and we were out in the sun all day, and then had another awful afternoon of B tearing the house apart while I sat helplessly wishing he wouldn't. I hate these afternoons. But I don't see a way out of it - I can't afford classes and activities, and we're up so damned early these days I take the mornings to get us out of the house when he's his most active. He does get super whiny and cranky around six, though; I am considering putting him to bed earlier, maybe 6:30 or even 6:00; it's dark now, and he just seems tired. I just don't want him waking up any freaking earlier-!


  1. you never know, he might just sleep later if you put him to bed earlier!?

    also, would he at least take "quiet time" if you lay down also? i think you said he's not napping and he seems awfully you (and you, awfully pregnant) to not nap.

  2. Congrats on having another boy!!

  3. I wonder if there are some free, drop-in type classes around that you could go to. Maybe not classes, exactly, but playgroups or something similar. I know there are things near me like this. For instance, a nonprofit that focuses on early literacy has a grant that provides a free, 12-week book and song circle time group that we may do soon. Maybe see if you can find things like that to get you guys out of the house, and that will maybe also help with some of the crazy activity level B seems to have?! Good luck!

  4. I felt the same way when I found out I was having a 2nd girl. If it had been my choice, I would have chosen a boy. But when I learned she was a girl I was thrilled-- "of course" she's a girl! Also got the reaction you did when I had my 2nd, about "oh #1 wasn't an accident?" My friends all knew I used a donor, but work acquaintences either didn't know or if I told them #1 was planned they clearly hadn't believed me. It was interesting how surprised people were about it when I announced #2 - like I was even twice as crazy to have two as one on my own. And agree with Abby on the sleep comment - I started putting my girls to sleep a half hour earlier a few months ago, and they ended up sleeping later in the morning - I think this is fairly common - sleep begets sleep. Good luck with that!