Friday, September 13, 2013

The rent is too damn high

I haven't written all week because, frankly, I've been too depressed. And the kind of depressed that I don't even feel like talking (or blogging) about, which you know means it's BAD. Why am I depressed? Because the rent's too damn high. 

Yes, I am completely overcome by money worries, to the point of utter paralysis. I need some relief. And last night I think I came up with a temporary solution. The sad thing is it solves nothing - in fact, puts me in a worse position than I'm in now. But it'll make me FEEL better. And we all know economics is largely about feelings - consumer confidence, panics on Wall Street. So I've decided to pay this month's $13,000 credit card bill with my business line of credit that has a very low interest rate, retaining my existing money in the bank for living expenses and hospital bills, and just slowly pay down the line of credit over time, as I've done twice before. Because the rent's too damn high.

I've discovered I just don't have the guts to live debt free but with an empty bank account. It's causing me so much stress I can't even function. Today I nearly had a heart attack when I realized I had to shell out for a $9 bottle of olive oil. This is not good. 

So, I go heavily into debt. So I rack up interest. I just have to pretend it's part of my monthly bills, the way people do with their school loans (I have none), or the way I currently do with the $100,000 I owe because of my New Orleans debacle (having bought an investment property there days before Katrina struck). It's easier to forget about debt and pay it down slowly than it is to watch your bank account dwindle to nothing knowing income isn't coming for months.

So, this all was an interesting psychological experiment, and one I'll remember for the future. There are times when aggressively paying down debt doesn't make sense - not when it leaves you utterly broke. Not when the rent's too damn high. 

I still have boxes piled in my dining room from the event. I can't bring myself to go through them and file everything away, ready for the new year, because there are too many loose threads dangling still. Negotiations continue with the hotel. I still owe some money to various people. People still haven't cashed their checks, giving the illusion that I have more money than I actually do. Nothing is completed; everything is still dragging on. I feel very unsettled. 

14 weeks today. 


  1. Stressed here too! Hang in there. Think calm thoughts for the little one (and Bumpus and yourself too). Would love to be a distraction... :)

  2. I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. It sucks to have to make money decisions & have to wonder if you made the right choice

  3. Debt reduction is good but not when it comes at the price of your peace of mind. Take care of yourself and hopefully the rest of it will start to come together soon.

  4. Sounds like you're doing what you need to do short-term to keep yourself sane and healthy for you and yours.

    Hope next week feels better.


  5. I swear money is probably the biggest issue of a SMC! It can be so unsettling! Glad you came up with a plan that puts you at peace.

  6. SMC in STL couldn't be more correct... I agree that money is the biggest issue for SMCs. I'm glad you figured something out that will at least help you feel better... and you need to be feeling better these days!!

  7. Money stress is the worst. And so hard when you're doing it all on your own!