Today I had the NT Scan. I started to get nervous a few hours before. It's hard not to, when it's so early and you know almost nothing about this little person - not even their gender, much less their general health. So many things can still be, can still go, wrong. But as mentioned before, I just have a really good feeling about it.
Sure enough the technician said based on measurements alone, I have a perfect, healthy baby. My blood work of course is the other part of the equation. I didn't realize there's a second blood draw in three weeks. I don't believe I did this last time - which is probably why I got this random call from the genetics dept asking if I was still a Kaiser member and why I hadn't come back in to see them (obviously nobody told me - or I misunderstood - that there was another blood draw involved). But I got to see the little fluttering heart, the brain, the stomach, the bone structure. It's pretty fascinating. The baby was "very active". It's so odd when I still feel nothing. I try to remember what it was like to feel B shifting about in there, but it's such a vague memory.
I am definitely "feeling it", though, just in the sense that I always have this "full" feeling like I just ate a huge meal and can't button my pants, and any abrupt movements, particularly standing up quickly, causes little shoots of pain in my abdomen. It's in there. It's definitely in there.
It's hard not to fixate on the last few weeks of the pregnancy and worry about the birth...largely, these days, about just how much this birth is going to cost me. I hate that I live in a country where I even have to consider things like that, but yes, the thought of being slammed with another unexpected $7000 hospital bill terrifies me. I'm also afraid of being induced again, having an emergency c- section that I then have to recover from, or having a normal labor that ends up totally sucking anyway. Is there ever a happy ending to these stories? Are women ever pleased with their birth experience? I think it does happen, but it's rare. I keep telling myself no matter what it's going to be VERY unpleasant. It's labor. It's no walk in the park. I'd rather be a realist than just assume I'm going to have this awesome empowering experience this time after last time's three day torture fest. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than wickedly disappointed. The one thing for sure is I will never, ever ever, for realz this time, have to do it again. And that's pretty awesome.
Here's a pic of the nubs from today's scan: