In the end, I needed to have $40,000 in the bank. I have $29,000. Not good, right? I know. Ironically I actually made more money yesterday than I did last year - so more people signed up, which is great. BUT I had no money in the bank to begin with, whereas last year I had $17,000 to start. So, yeah. That only means one thing. That I WAY over spent this year so far, and kind of screwed myself.
What did I spend that extra $11,000 on, exactly? Well, an extra month of living, for one, since the event dates were pushed back. Add to that child care, doubled grocery bills, diapers, you name it. That can make an $11,000 a year difference. Absolutely. And somehow I just didn't think it would make that much of a difference. But the proof is in the bank account. I'm kind of broke.
I'm not panicking because, again, I'm having a successful year with the event, which means more people signing up earlier and more people signing up later, which means more people to buy t shirts and jackets and CDs and everything else I sell. It's all good. So the good news is the event is on track for a successful future. The bad news is I may have to live really close to the bone until next summer. And so it goes, huh?
So what do I do? Hope that once the dust settles in two months that it'll all even out and I'll have the money I need. And if it doesn't...well...I have my line of credit to live off of for a few months. And next year will be better. I'll have medical bills, yes, but won't have that insane sewer bill hanging over me. And I won't have an extra month of expenses to tackle to make it. So many variables...and no way to predict! I have a bit of a heavy heart at the moment, but am trying to cling to the fact that everything always works out.
Kind of like pregnancy fears, huh? Still feeling zero symptoms. I swear, if this is how pregnancy feels for some women - YOU ARE SO FRIGGING LUCKY. It's impossible for me to not associate early pregnancy with soul-crushing all the time nausea; every day I wake up and wonder if this is the day I'll be too sick to even get out of bed - and every day I get up and feel just great. And every day I worry that this can only mean the pregnancy is about to end. Nobody gets lucky enough to get pregnant on the first try, at my age, AND have it work out, AND not be glued to her bathroom floor with sickness for months??? Nobody gets that!!! The universe is supposed to constantly kick my ass, right? Because I never get the good things, I always get the bad things? Isn't this the World Order I discovered when I was seven? That everything, pretty much, sucks?
Took my final Dollar Store test today. Positive test line practically leapt off the paper and slapped me in the face, urine droplets splashing to the floor. "Shut up and stop worrying, woman. You're still pregnant. Now go stuff your feelings with peanut butter and watch something stupid on Bravo. It's all going to work out."
It seemed to say.