Today as I was brushing my teeth I looked myself in the mirror and asked myself if I really wanted to do this. Much like my first ever IUI in April of '11, I said to myself as if a father whispering into his daughter's ear on the way to the altar, "you don't have to do this. You can still back out." But I know I want to do it. I really have no doubts about it, which is good. I think I just had to let the concept roll around in my head long enough to really come to this place. And this is with full knowledge of how good, and how bad, it can get. No illusions about how hard it's going to be. None whatsoever.
Lately I've been really afraid of the nausea, though. I know I still have some more methods to try, and hey, it may not even be as bad this time (which I doubt), but I don't mind admitting I am really, really scared of feeling like I'm about to throw up every minute of every day for the next three to four months. I feel terrible dread about it. Every day I wake up with B at 6 am and think, "how the hell am I going to do this when I'm sick?" Then I change a giant poo poo didey and ask myself, "how the hell am I going to do this when I'm sick?" Then I make him scrambled eggs and think, ...you get the picture. And the answer to all this is, I really don't know. I have no idea. And it completely freaks me out.
I've got my Unisom and B6 at the ready, and my midwife's card if I can manage some acupuncture (I have no idea how, with a baby in tow). And other than getting to Miami and back and running my event in 2 1/2 months I don't technically have to do anything. God, if only the first trimester weren't such hell-! But again, getting ahead of myself. Got to get sperm to meet (viable) egg first.
I mean, look at this face. Who wouldn't risk anything to make another one of these???