But, gosh darn it if my body isn't freaking me out! Yesterday I was very nauseated all day - to the point of gagging when I brushed my teeth. Also could smell everything - I made a Greek omelette and could smell the feta long after it was gone; also made an English muffin and wanted to pass out from the smell of the yeast (when I was prego before I couldn't even walk down the bread aisle in the supermarket). This morning I also woke up nauseated. But...now I feel just fine. And a negative test. Hmmm.
All of this - the smells, the nausea - could be entirely due to the extreme heat we've had the last two days. It's been hard to do anything but sit in the air conditioning.
I never used the Dollar Store tests as the primary ones before - only as "am I still pregnant?" checks; but they do have the same sensitivity as the FRER ones so they should be just as accurate. And again, I may not even get a positive for several days. But I do feel my confidence shaken a little. This cycle could all be just a cruel mind fuck.
So in an effort to formulate a plan so I can feel better in case this is a bust, I whipped out my fertility calendar. I can do August and September. Which leaves me with one vial. Then I have to pay almost as much in storage to keep it until March as it cost to buy it. So...can I swing October, too...? It would mean having a two month old at my next event. Not great. But honestly...not terrible, either. If I plan ahead, get the bulk of the work done in advance (totally doable), even bring in a secretary if I need help with the paperwork, etc...it can happen. It just makes sense to keep going until I use up all the sperm I paid for. Then if I want to regroup and keep trying in the spring, so be it. I feel a bit better thinking about that - not having that one vial left on ice, mocking me.
Oh, how will this all end? Why can't we have a crystal ball? Sometimes I feel like I'm outside myself watching my life unfold. "Interesting! She ended up not finding a great guy and instead had a baby by a sperm donor at 39. I wonder if she'll be able to have another?"
In other news, had a blast dancing last night. Here is a picture of me doing it: