Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Mental energy

I haven't posted lately because nothing's really going on, just twiddling my thumbs waiting for good ol' Aunt Flo. Who is technically due tomorrow - but I've got to say, I'm not feeling it. No feelings of bloat or cramping, no headaches or irritability (well, no more than usual!). And I still don't have those prolactin results-! I'm not sure who to call to see what's the hold up - maybe I'll wait until Thursday to let it be a week and then call Kaiser to try to get some answers. So I'm just in a holding pattern all over the place.

So again, if no period shows, what do I do? Try to take Provera? Should I start Vitex instead now that B is weaned? I'm not sure where to go from here. Just keep waiting? Ugh!

Lately I've been in a bit of a panic about my event which is just three months away. It is my other baby, and I have been seriously neglecting it. Tonight for the first time in ages I spent some quality time with my website doing tons of updates; it took three agonizing hours fixing all the information and correcting old mistakes. I just don't have the mental energy for this stuff anymore, and I'm worried. Why was this so much easier when I had a newborn...? I don't remember this problem last year. I simply cannot motivate myself to get any work done. And there is so much to be done - I'm so behind on so many things, and have completely let the ball drop as far as the relentless pushing and advertising I should be doing this time of year. Every night I put B to bed at 7, then make dinner, eat it, and clean up the kitchen, and by the time all of this is done I have two hours left before bedtime and I just want to zone out in front of the TV. Firing up my buggy computer and doing a bunch of highly detailed ad writing and web design work is the last thing I have energy for. You would think the evenings are ideal to finally get some work done since my days are completely occupied by B, but I'm finding the opposite is true.

I have a list of "goals for the month" that I keep on my phone - and I'm ashamed to say my "goals for April" have now all become "goals for June". I just keep putting things off and putting them off in favor of things that absolutely must get done - cooking for B, laundry, ordering diapers, making sure he gets to run around outside every day, making sure I have babysitters when needed, keeping the house clean and organized. Anything beyond that just doesn't seem important enough to deal with right now.

It is hard to do it all - being the sole breadwinner and homemaker. These jobs weren't designed to run concurrently, yet so many women married or single find themselves in this position. For me it's not that I don't have the time to do these things - I just don't have the mental energy. 

But I'm going to have to get the mental energy, because my event is coming up, and fast. And if I screw this one up I will jeopardize my entire financial future. So, as always, I just have to pull myself up, smack each cheek to get the blood flowing, and make it happen. Show time!!!


  1. I am also finding it harder and harder to get things done at night. After I get them down for the night, I just want to collapse and not "do" anything until I fall asleep, which is so not realistic. Maybe it's a cumulative effect of parenting?

    Good luck with the event! I know how important it is. Something that worked for me was scheduling out my tasks (in your case it be those goals). Then I knew I what I had to get done each night. It made the tasks less overwhelming to do bit by bit and knowing that if I followed my schedule it would all get done was a huge relief.

  2. I was just discussing this lack of motivation with a coworker (she's a married mother of two). I said that I have slacked off more this school year than ever before. I've volunteered for way less committee work, and haven't bonded with my students as much. We decided it is because our hearts and minds tend to want to go towards our child(ren) instead. For us, work used to be our number one thing that occupied our time, and now or children are way more important so work takes a backseat. I think it is a normal part of motherhood. I hope you get those goals taken care of soon, and you have another year of success at your event!

  3. It really is SO hard to get anything done at night! Here I am catching up on blog reading (finally!) instead of doing anything I really NEED to do. Good luck getting motivated!

  4. There must be something in the air because I too have been disappointed in myself lately for not making better use of my time once Elena goes to be...yet like you all I want to do is veg in front of the TV!