Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Time on my hands and not enough time

It's too bizarre to have B asleep a couple of hours before me, and an hour or two during the day, in his crib. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. Yesterday I went out to the front yard and made the below bouquet out of hawthorn and camellias. Last night I lay on the couch and watched a documentary about Chinese artist Ai WeiWei. I hadn't laid on the couch probably since pregnancy - well, not without a baby next to me, anyway! I'm finding the new freedom pretty exhilarating.

Speaking of freedom, I let B out in the house to crawl around the floor with me following him today. I know that sounds crazy to some of you, that he doesn't just roam freely around the house all of the time. But this is not something I feel comfortable doing, not yet. As I've mentioned before I would literally have to pack up and store the entire house for this to happen. But as I followed him around and watched what he was interested in I did get an idea of how to baby proof certain areas; I think I can cordon off the front of the house and make the kitchen and bathroom inaccessible so he can have a little more freedom. I know the day is coming fast when he won't be content with the playpen and jumper anymore.

Told another friend about my T42 plans again today. As always the response was, "but you said no way." I know this is the knee jerk response, but it is a little irritating to hear again and again - like nobody's ever allowed to change their mind about anything, especially based on new information (possibly avoiding getting pre-e and having to be induced again). If someone could tell me right now that yes I would definitely get pre-e again and yes have to be induced again I would say no way. But I really believe I have a good chance of turning this around. You can't plan for anything, I know. But why assume the worst? Why assume everything will go wrong? If I'd done that from the beginning I never would have had B, either.

I decided against taking Vitex. For one B is not completely weaned yet and it's just too scary to mess with your body while breast feeding. Also it looks like it's mainly meant for women with messed up cycles - that if you don't have a problem it could create one. As of right now I have no reason to believe I have a problem other than not having enough time to get this show on the road. If I wean B completely and nothing happens for months I may reconsider. But right now I kind of want to see what happens this month.

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