This morning I had a concept for another super bitchy blog post. But it's been such an enjoyable day and right now is so pleasant that it's hard to recall the level of irritation I had at seven this morning. This is how days tend to go around here. Mornings are brutal. Afternoons are lovely and evenings are pleasant. A far cry from the evening torment I used to experience when B would fuss and fuss and mangle my nipples. Remember that?
So I inched his bedtime back to 7:30 over the last couple of nights in an effort to get him to sleep longer. No effect. He's always up by 6 to 6:30. I suppose I could keep putting him to bed at 7:30 to see if he sleeps longer...but honestly I don't see a baby who always sleeps 10-11 hours suddenly sleeping 14 hours, which is what I'd like. So I may stick with 8 pm for now. That gives me time to get a proper dinner in him and a bath and I know he's actually tired. Anything before 8 he screams until 8 anyway. I don't know. I wonder if I put him to bed at nine, would he sleep until 7 or 8 or would he just be "overtired"? I just wish I was a morning person. I hate these early mornings with the heat of a thousand suns.
I went to my mommy & me meetup today and was pleased to see that I am not the only one not thrilled with the new eating situation. Sometimes I feel like a monster for how much I don't enjoy mealtimes. But luckily I am not the only one. I think it's fair to say that in fact I fucking hate it.
It's just a mess, time consuming, and utterly frustrating. B has a habit of shaking his head, furrowing his brow, and/or turning away or putting his face flat on his tray every time I offer a spoonful of food. This doesn't mean he doesn't want it. It just means I have to sit there and stare into space and offer it ten more times before he takes it. Then he'll wipe his mouth with the back of his hands and rub it all over his head. Then he throws everything on the floor, then he smacks the spoon out of my hand sending food flying everywhere. Then he screams and kicks the tray off the high chair. Then he uses his cracker to shovel food onto the floor. And I have to do this three times a day, every day. I FUCKING HATE IT.
According to the other moms it is normal for him to feast at breakfast (he can eat a waffle and two eggs with no problem) but only want a light snack for dinner - it's a struggle to get more than a few spoonfuls in him at night. I also do one last breast feed in the late afternoon which may be a part of it, but when I've tried cutting this feed he really seems to miss it and it makes my boobs really angry (and try sleeping all night on angry boobs - not fun).
So I've resigned myself to the fact that now is the hardest part when it comes to food - he's learning how to eat, so it's slow going. And he can't feed himself (not with utensils, anyway), so I have to do it, and it takes forever. Just keeping us both fed three times a day feels like it takes the entire day sometimes. Soon it won't be like this - soon he'll be able to feed himself and I can eat with him. But right now - it sucks. I had even reduced us to feeding him off my plate in the living room while he stood in his playpen; but it made such a horrendous mess that I stopped. My poor carpet!
Pretty much everything else is a battle, too. Putting on clothes. Taking off clothes. Putting on shoes and hats. Getting into the stroller or carseat. Going down for naps. Waking up from naps. Going to bed at night. Waking up in the morning. Getting in the playpen. Sometimes it feels like every action in our day involves screaming, back arching, whining, kicking, and tears.
He's lucky everything in between involves him being unbearably cute and lovable-! Can't wait for whatever phase this is to pass. Here he is being cute today.