Friday, March 15, 2013

Hell is others

So annoyed right now. So I'm in this mommy & me meetup group, and I've been very active in it, attending nearly all of the scheduled events and planning three of my own. The leader is moving to Florida in a couple of weeks and put out an email asking a few of us if we'd be willing to take over as organizer, which would mean paying the fees and approving new members in addition to planning events. I said I'd do it, but if others would be willing to help with events and fees that'd be great. Two to three of the others said they'd be happy to help with the fees and planning, and that was the last I heard.

Yesterday I ran a meetup for this group at my farmer's market. It didn't turn out too well. Only five people RSVP'd, then two canceled and one said she was running way behind so to go ahead without her. I waited at the meeting spot for about ten minutes, but just had a feeling the other two were going to be no-shows; two weeks ago I went to an entirely different meetup at this very market and nobody showed but the organizer, and she was nearly an HOUR late so I just left. Fearing a repeat of this I posted on the meetup site that I was going to start walking around, this is what my stroller looks like, come find me. Honestly I would have waited a lot longer, but the spot I was waiting was hot and sunny and there was a group of teenagers skateboarding (and the skateboards were flying everywhere), yelling and swearing really loudly (this is a huge pet peeve of mine - I always want to yell, "excuse me, young man, there are ladies present!"). Anyway so I was really uncomfortable sitting there and just wanted to get moving, figuring I'd circle around and check for the two remaining women.

Well, one of them did find me, and she was delightful. Unfortunately she's going to Canada for two months next week, but I'm hoping I'll see her again at some point. What became of the last person I don't know since she never communicated if she was there or not.

Anyway. So today I get an email from the organizer asking how it went, and I told her. Then a couple of hours later she sends me this weird email saying she appreciates that I have been planning some events but she wants to remind me "based on some feedback I've been getting" that I need to wait at least 20 minutes for people and need to make sure I welcome everyone. Then she says she's turning over organizer responsibilities to someone who has only planned one event and hasn't attended ANY in the past couple of months, and wasn't even one of the people who offered to help plan or pay fees. Huh?

Then a few minutes later another email, just one line saying "thank you for your understanding." What?

The whole thing makes me feel very criticized and hurt. It makes me think that I've done a bad job and am being punished by having the organizer status taken away. It certainly reads that way, doesn't it? Or am I nuts?

Now in the end it's probably best that someone else take the reins and I just enjoy being a member who shows up, with no responsibility. Especially as my event gets closer I just won't have the mental energy to deal with organizing a group. But the whole thing was just weird. I feel - here we go - rejected. All together now.

On top of that I went to my beloved silver lake park today...only to find they had aerated the soil in the whole grassy part, meaning that every two inches there's a hard, turd-like cylinder of soil. Try putting a one-year-old down in that, and try keeping those enticing bite-sized dirt mounds out of his mouth. After spending five minutes pulling dirt out of his mouth and hands and saying no about fifty times, I finally had to just scoop him up and wheel him away, while he was having a major meltdown. So, that park is now out - probably all year, since I don't see those awful dirt cylinders going anywhere anytime soon, unless we have a huge rain, which we will not.

...aaaand tonight I have to finish my taxes, and I shirked off last night so now I have HOURS of tax prep ahead of me, and a baby who hasn't napped and wouldn't eat his lunch so I took it away, resulting in another meltdown, which then resulted in my leaving him to scream in the playpen while I sat in another room and slowly ate two Cadbury cream eggs. Good times.


  1. That does suck about the Mommy and Me Meetup. I have been trying to find a local one for infants that does things on the weekends, but I'm afraid we would have a similar experience to you.

    At least you had to Cadbury eggs to enjoy!!

  2. That was really rude on her part. I would have felt offended and rejected too. If there is someplace (outdoors until babies get the clear to be truly out and about) in between our locations, maybe we can meet up sometime. You can email me directly on my blog if you are interested.

    We had a major meltdown today too. And the lovely lady at the resale store got to witness the end of it while I was trying to pay for another exersaucer/jumperoo today. I didn't know babies could scream for that many consecutive minutes. I was at wits end by the time he finally settled (had a similar experience at 4 a.m. too when I had no patience or ability to be calm). Hang in there.

    And now I am craving a Cadbury egg, but the kind with caramel in the middle. Yummy!

  3. Oh ugh. Sorry for the bad day. Just write this one off and hope for better tomorrow.

    And that sucks about the group's organizer. Screw them. Hang out with them if it's fun and easy for you, but let them solve their own problems. They're not worthy.

  4. I am so sorry that happened to you. I had a very similiar experience several years ago and it was extremly hurtful. In fact, I left the group because I felt hated. Now I'm a member of MOMS Club and love it since there is a board, bylaws and dues (really low dues, like $20/year) so there are no shenanigans like that. I always thought it was silly to be so formal, until I was in the situation that a random person just got to decide everything.

  5. That organizer woman was way rude!!! You deserve so much better after putting in so much time and energy.

  6. That's total crap. I'd feel hurt and rejected, too, so no, you're not crazy! I bet in your area there are other similar groups, in the event you want to just totally ditch this one and go elsewhere. I probably would.

    I'm sorry about the meltdowns. They suck. And I have a feeling there are many, many meltdowns in my not-so-distant future. I'll probably eat chocolate and ice cream (and chocolate ice cream) instead of Cadbury eggs. I do hope they helped you feel even a tiny bit better!

  7. Even tho it would be way nicer to just attend get togethers rather than organize them, that would totally feel like a snub to me. Sucks you've been treated so badly. Hearing your experiences reinforces my resistance to these such things, I hate setting my self up for disappointment

  8. That sucks. It's one of the reasons I never volunteer to lead anything. Someone is always going to be critical of what you do. But she did seem overly rude.

    I've been dealing with baby meltdowns all day. I could use a creme egg or any chocolate for that matter.

  9. I would write back and say, "That's just as we'll. I'm a prompt person who never cancels without notice, and clearly those values aren't shared by other members of the group."

    My Meetup stuff starts on time and they can kick people out for being no-shows. I love it.

    Also, the woman who emailed you probably heard from exactly 1 person that you didn't wait. And to her, 1 = "everyone".

    And finally, it's not reasonable to expect moms with babies to wait 20 minutes in one spot. Give me a break.