My sister leaves tomorrow AM. We've had a lovely visit. Children just make everything so positive and future-leaning. Instead of dwelling on our shared trauma of (technically) losing our mother and being raised in a cult (of sorts) as we used to when we got together, now it's all about what Bobby's doing now, planning his birthday, enjoying his cuteness. Yet another way that kids enrich your life in ways you'd never expect. He breathed life into this aging family, that's for sure.
She spent the long weekend sleeping in the attic space which fulfills my dream of having a private space up there for overnight guests. I can't tell you how excited I am about having an "upstairs". I feel like I'm living in a real house now - a house where more than two people can coexist without being all up in each other's business; where there are tucked away spaces for people to hide out apart from the common areas. At first we were both a little freaked out about climbing up there - especially the first time I looked through the hole in the floor to see a corner of my kitchen; it was a little creepy. But now it's second nature. Just hold on to the boy, watch your footing going up or down, and it's a snap. And luckily the "trap door" is so heavy it'll be years before B could even lift it, so I don't have to worry about him tumbling down (although I would never leave him unattended up there, not even for a second). My sister makes custom high end drapes and slipcovers so she will make a cover for the futon, some throw pillows, a cover for the bean bag, and a cute play teepee, all made out of striped canvas ticking material for a vintagey nautical feel. I owe it all to Pinterest.
Saturday night I was very much looking forward to going to a new monthly dance put on by some friends of mine, sans baby, but it was not to be. She didn't feel
comfortable watching him for so many hours without me, so I took him with. I had also agreed to judge and tabulate a dance contest which took practically all night, so despite my best efforts I only got two dances in. It was wickedly disappointing but I had to remind myself that even if I hadn't had the baby with me I probably wouldn't have danced much anyway, with the contest taking so much time and most of the guy dancers being newbies who don't know me anymore. I was telling my sister that it's hard for me to accept that the dancing portion of my life is kind of over - I'm not ok with giving that up. It's a very bitter pill for me to swallow. I absolutely hate the monotony of being at home with the baby every single night watching TV; I want to be out dancing; but then I have to remind myself that dancing hasn't been really fun for years. More than a decade, really. There are always a million girls and no guys, and just like in the dating world the girls that are more aggressive get the good guy dancers while the rest of us sit around, bored. I had hoped this new event might be different, might be one night a month I can hire a sitter and be guaranteed to get some good solid dancing in. But I just don't know. I know my dancing days are over but it's a reality I'm not ready to accept yet.
In other news, B is advancing in leaps and bounds. He is "almost" able to feed himself, eats ravenously, smiles for the camera, and mimics people now which he never did before. Actually in the emergency room at one point to distract him I started smacking my lips and he did the same. It was one of the first moments I felt like we were communicating and he wasn't just a mystery wrapped in a conundrum.
Here are some shots from the weekend: