Worn Out

I have not heard from my friend yet, but she's one of these very disconnected people - no Facebook, no smart phone, very little texting, rarely uses email. So it wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't even get my email for several days. I figure it could go one of various ways - she could either apologize with a slight edge of defensiveness, not apologize and claim she did nothing wrong, or just flat out let me know she doesn't approve of my choices. I think the latter two are extremely unlikely, but you never know. I feel like I've been in a bit of a bubble here in my SMC life; since the announcement of the pregnancy I've had nothing but positivity sent my way, despite early fears to the contrary. I suppose something negative coming out of my choice to take this unusual path was bound to happen sooner or later.

Sometimes I feel so alone in this. I do wish I knew other SMCs (or even Single Mothers NOT By Choice - everyone I know is married, everyone). It dawned on me that I really should sign up with the local SMC group. At first I had balked at the membership fees, but I think it might be a good idea to connect with other women nearby who did what I did. Nobody else really gets it, you know?

Last night in a text conversation with my Mom Guru friend who gave me the referral to the baby sitter who didn't call back, I mentioned this to her, and she immediately texted the sitter who then called me horrified, saying she never got my message because she just switched phones and a bunch of information was lost from her old phone. We had a nice long chat and I will put her into the sitter rotation, although the bummer is a) she charges a little more than I'd hoped and b) isn't available at the right times for me to go to book club, get my hair done, or movie club (weeknights she's not available until 8:30 or so, and I need to leave the house by 5-7 for any of these things). So I am still screwed for the most regular things I need to do. However she can stay late, so she's ideal for gigs and if I want to go out dancing. I've been itching to get back to a Monday night venue that is a bar and so not at all baby friendly. It would be great to be able to head over there once a month or so. But the issue still remains of how to handle my groups and bi-monthly haircut and dinner. Meeting a third sitter tomorrow, so we'll see.

Everything has gone haywire in our family lately - between my friend issues and this, it's been a rash of hurt feelings, letters back and forth, and people needing a break from each other. Thanksgiving has gone all screwy. My sister and I now may go to see our uncle instead of the usual Massachusetts clan, or even go to Florida to see our cousin and his three small children I've never met. I vote for Florida, personally - I've never been and it would be a blast to be somewhere warm for the holidays for once. But suffice it to say there's been a lot of tension all week and I'm really worn out.

Here's a pic of Bumpus enjoying his new hand me down Jumperoo: