Last night I watched the PBS sperm donor documentary. I have to say it put to rest some of the negative feelings I’d been having about all the press/that other doc about sperm donation, in that it had a different take. It was told mainly from the perspective of the adult (or teen aged) children of the donor seeking him out, and they were all well-adjusted, happy kids who had the right idea about meeting this man – that he’s not really their dad, per se, but someone they were glad to meet once, and maybe see again.
This was especially touching to me because it is revealed that the donor is a bit of a nutter – basically a homeless guy living in a beat up RV on Venice Beach, who clearly has some mental/drug issues. He’s the kind of guy that smokes a bong and then goes off on all his conspiracy theories (I was waiting for him to say, “and then the Jews…” but luckily he didn’t, or the filmmakers had the presence of mind to edit this out). One donor conceived woman had no interest in meeting him because of how nuts he is; one said she wanted to keep him part of her life because he had such a good heart, which I thought was sweet (and was true, based on what we saw of him).
It was especially odd for me to watch this since this man is so much like my own father – probably means well, but is totally delusional and insane. This doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of love or normal human feeling…but you just have to be careful in your interactions with people like that. Their brains just don’t operate the same way ours do.
The two things I liked about the documentary were the fact that he didn’t have hundreds of offspring, but a few – I think they had found something like 10-20. I also liked that he described “donating” as kind of a spiritual experience for him…I know this sounds pretty crazy, but he would bless the “sample” and give it a lot of thought as he handed it over, knowing these were potential offspring. I guess I liked that he didn’t just flippantly jerk off and not have any feeling about it whatsoever, which is how I imagine most guys doing it. I mean, these most likely will result in children that will change people’s lives. It’s just as meaningful as having sex with a partner in the intent to conceive – the odds are something just might come of it (no pun intended).
The fact that this guy had started off as this smokin’ hot model/actor/dancer type (and I mean smokin’ – and I don’t say that lightly, or at all, really) and ended up Crazy Homeless Guy just goes to show that you never know what’s going to become of a person when you first meet them in their twenties. I wondered if any of the kids would inherit his mental illness – but then again I’m a hair from 40 and don’t seem to have taken on either of my parent’s nuttiness, so I guess there’s hope for them yet. I wonder where my donor will be in twenty years? Based on his sensitive, artistic profile, maybe he’ll end up Crazy Homeless Guy, too. Maybe he can move in to this guy’s RV and they can compare notes.
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