So I’ve been having a series of dreams full of rage lately. Last night I was a 1960’s English school girl, and at one point went up to the (evil) town Vicar and told him he, God, and the Queen could all go fuck themselves. I don’t believe these dreams are actually related to anything (except maybe some TV show I watched or conversation I had), but are a result of my weird sleep patterns, which lately have consisted of popping awake at 5 AM, being awake for hours, and then sleeping until noon to try to compensate. Good thing I’m having weird sleep pattern practice now! But it does make me have bizarre and especially lurid dreams.
I had a bit of a freak out the last few days about work stuff. Far too boring to go into in too much detail here, but I was having a hard time staffing my event and was wondering if I should try to move it into another month (after being on the same weekend since 2001) to avoid this other event that was sucking up all my teachers. I am not in the habit of receiving “thanks, but no thanks” e-mails from dance teachers when I extend an invitation to teach – for years people have been clamoring to work for me – and it was really hurting my feelings. And it made me worry for my future, if people are suddenly after all these years making this other event a priority (this other event is nearly 30 years old so it’s not new and hip – but for some reason has become the big party everyone wants to go to over the last two-three years or so, and it takes up nearly the entire summer, making it impossible for me to just shift a little to avoid it). Also all of a sudden all my teachers are demanding 50% raises and a lot more perks – in other words, becoming professionals in our little hobby world. I’m not saying they don’t deserve it…so I’m willing to pay…but the problem is our customers don’t want to pay real world prices. So I take the hit, basically, which is why I’m so freaking poor right now. But it’s all been resolved for the moment – miracle of miracles, I was able to get a good lineup of teachers that I can be excited about (it’s important for me to be excited about my lineup), and made the decision to raise my price by $5 which will help with some (but not nearly all) of my increased costs. Passing the savings on to the customer – not! I truly believe that if things continue on the way they’re going, with the customers dwindling and the staff demanding more and more, that they will soon find themselves out of work. I’ve seen it happen before. Right now there’s a glut of events; they will start to die off and the strongest of us will be left standing. Hopefully I will be one of the ones left standing. I’ve got a kid to support, for cry-eye!
Along those lines I freaked out about all the things that need to be repaired around here – my toilet, the wood railing in the back yard, the yard lights (fixed these myself yesterday, for like the bajillionth time), my car, all the scraping/painting that really should be done before the baby comes. I have no money to do any of these things. But I decided for my own safety that I need to just get the car fixed – after discovering my last mechanic ripped me off and ruined my car, I now need to seek out someone I can trust (collecting recommendations from friends now) and ask them what I need to do to make the car drivable for at least one more year. And I really need to fix the toilet (most likely will need to be replaced). The other things I can do myself or just leave undone which will drive me nuts. So I decided I just need to pay. I imagine these things will run $1000 - $2000 which is a huge amount of money to me right now. But for my own sanity I feel I need to get these things taken care of in the next few weeks. I’ve got a baby to prepare for, I’ve got a camp to run, and I don’t need to be worrying about unimportant shit like drive belts and fill valves.
It’s all about taking one thing at a time. I was totally overwhelmed a couple of days ago but I had to just sit down and tell myself it’ll all get done, just focus on one thing at a time and prioritize. Today I work on the railing, tomorrow I call a plumber. And so it goes. Serenity now!!!
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