The First of the Stuff

Yesterday was a bit of a landmark for me.  Yes, it’s the First of the Stuff.  My Mom Guru friend brought over a co-sleeper, a bag full of parenting books, and a bag of Sisterhood of the Traveling Maternity Clothes.  She also has a bucket car seat and various other yet to be disclosed items.  Baby shower?  What baby shower?

I am SLOWLY getting a handle on some things I may need, thanks to friends and various “what’s essential, what’s not” lists online.  It’s still totally overwhelming, but at least now I feel like I have *kind of* a clue as opposed to NO clue.  Cracking the baby/parenting books will help (answering questions like how often to change diapers, when & how long should naps be, when/how often to bathe baby, etc) – the first time I open a baby book will be a milestone for me as well since I’ve never read anything like that (well, except when I was a teenager and used to clean house for a pregnant woman and I would read her “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book and totally gross myself out).  When it comes to the stuff, I find myself most interested in diversionary tools like bouncers and swings – as in, how to restrain/entertain baby while I do other stuff (like shower…or poop).  Why I spend a lot of time thinking about how to have the baby away from me so I can resume MY life makes me wonder, am I being my mother, AM I BEING MY MOTHER??? with a certain amount of panic.

I plan on taking all the classes Kaiser offers, which I’m sure will help me out a lot.  That’s what they’re there for.  Personally I hate learning curves – for example, having to learn a new computer program makes me want to stick flaming spears under my toenails – so I am very much looking forward to the day when I can read my baby so well he/she barely has to grunt for me to know what he/she wants, and I can change a diaper with all the seamless choreography of a Balanchine ballet.  Right now I pretty much picture myself the first few months stumbling around this house knocking things over saying, “Fire – bad!!!” while my baby wails helplessly from his/her co-sleeper.  And the dog pees on the carpet because I haven’t walked her, and the chickens crow in protest because I forgot to feed them for a week.  Good times. 

So last night I had a gig in San Diego where I got to see some people I don’t see very often, and was completely delighted that MANY people came up to me and congratulated me.  And not just a quick, “congratulations!” and a hug as I would do (because I’m socially awkward), but all that plus a lengthy discussion about how proud they are of me and how they know I’ll be awesome at this.  One older lady said as much and I talked about how it was something I had wanted for a long time so I decided to try to slide in under the wire, and she said, “well, I missed the wire, so I’m so glad you’re doing it.”  I didn’t know if she had kids or not, but now I know.  And every time an older lady says something like this to me (it’s happened a couple of times), I find it very sobering.  Anyway, I was really touched by the outpouring of love.  Again, it’s one thing to have people be happy for you in a quick, passing sort of way; it’s another when you can tell they’ve really thought about it, and you, and it means something to them.  One asked if she thought I would inspire others to follow in my path.  I said I didn’t know, but I hoped so!

Speaking of which, attending my first Choice Moms meeting in LA next Saturday.  I hope there is a good group of people there, although even if there’s only five of us, that’s four more people than I know now who are pursuing single motherhood!  Interested to see how that all goes. 

In other news, Party Neighbor put a For Sale sign on his house yesterday.  I am beyond thrilled.  This man has been torturing me for years with his stupid trashy drunken festivals in his backyard with the radio blaring and random people wandering in and out all day.  I just pray that the new owners a) fix the place up – it’s a mess, b) aren’t worse than him in the party department, and c) can handle my chickens crowing outside their kitchen window.  But as my friend pointed out last night, if the cops never came the bajillion times I called them about his parties, surely they won’t come out for illegally placed chickens…?

PS - my March 2012 WTE board has a thread about being a crazy hormonal person, and in one of the posts a woman admitted she cried because her husband made her an "ugly" tuna fish sandwich.  Ha ha ha!!!