Yesterday pretty much as I hit the “publish” button I got knocked back by a wave of nausea so intense I had to go lie down – and this continued for the day. Today isn’t looking much better. So whatever illusions I had that things were looking up was just wishful thinking.
I know I have no business complaining when I’m pregnant and so many women want to be, would give anything to be in my shoes. But I have to say I’m beginning to hit the wall with this constant sickness. Yesterday I realized it had been about a month since I last didn’t want to puke my guts out, and it will probably be at least another month before this constant sensation goes away – maybe it won’t go away until March! I’m just tired of it. I need to feel better now; I need to be able to cook and eat healthy food instead of snacks all the time. I need to be able to explain to friends why I have to cancel everything. But there’s no relief in sight. It’s just miserable. I never know when I’m going to feel so-so, or when I’m going to have a “really bad day” like yesterday. It’s totally unpredictable which makes planning anything impossible.
I am completely out of food, and was supposed to make a huge grocery trip yesterday but of course couldn’t. I will have to go today. Which means washing my hair which is a grease cap on my head, and putting on makeup of some kind, and getting dressed, and driving, all of which seem completely out of reach right now. I suppose this is where a partner comes in handy – when you can’t do basic things to take care of yourself. Again I wonder, how the hell do women work full time jobs feeling like this? I can barely muster the energy to drag the dog around the block for her walk so she won’t pee on the bed. And yet reading other women’s stories, it sounds like I have it pretty easy – no vomiting, and I am actually able to eat and keep things down. How do people do this? I just don’t understand.
So tomorrow I have my ob appointment, where hopefully we’ll do an ultrasound so I can see and/or hear the baby and at least put my fears of “missed miscarriage” or “blighted ovum” to rest (I hope). Maybe they can give me some tips on handling nausea so I can at least make it through these two upcoming trips. Either way, I have pretty much had it. If this is what pregnancy is for me, you can bet I’m never doing this again; so far it’s been an absolutely miserable experience. Obviously the women who suffer this badly, or worse, and yet go on to have more than one kid, are better women than me!
Is there no medication there you can take? I was on Diclectin for almost my whole pregnancy because of morning sickness. I don't believe it's available in the US, but it's basically an antihistamine and vitamin B6 (google could tell you exactly what, I might have the wrong B vitamin). it helped a lot and made it possible to get to and from work, and live :) I also had to figure out what foods worked for me. I remember one day that was so bad I called in sick to work, and ended up at the local fast food place for a bacon cheeseburger, which made me feel a million times better... weird cause I didn't eat red meat for years up to that point lol. Something out there will make you feel better, but you have to figure out what, and that of course is the hard part. It's worth it though :) really!!
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