I swear, I’m actually not. I guess I should say not yet. It is only 3 dpo after all. There’s plenty of time to freak out. But so far I’m pretty proud of myself for getting on with life despite this huge thing happening to me…or not.
Here’s a quick inside look into the last couple of days (lots of technical stuff – if you’re not interested in this, turn back now):
My body definitely knows something was “done to” it. There’s none of this “I didn’t feel anything” stuff going on with me – my body is all weird. From the moment of the insem until now I have been crampy, bloaty, heavy feeling, minor back pain, and having twingy pains happening mostly on the right side (where I ovulated from). I have the urge to walk sort of buckled over, and the skin where my ovary is feels tender. Actually not much of this is happening today, it was mostly Sat, Sun & Monday. After obsessive hours Googling I discovered much to my dismay that most of this is totally normal and not at all an indication of pregnancy. The fact is your body has just been poked by a catheter and flooded with very irritating highly washed sperm. It’s totally normal to react this way for about 72 hours. So, the sucky part is, this is what I get to look forward to if I have to do this again and again. I also had minor spotting the first couple of days which is also normal. Sigh.
Today I’m all caught up on this jag of “what if I miscalculated my ovulation date???” Here’s why I’m thinking this – as you know the clinic only goes by OPKs to target ovulation, and only one particular brand (I have used two, and it’s true – they have given me totally different results in the past). So Friday morning I did their protocol get up at 5 AM, pee, go back to bed, then take another test at 8 AM. I had a test that was very close to a positive, just a hair shy of totally positive. I’d give it about an 8 if 10 were a total, undeniable positive. We then had the ultrasound which looked good, with the follicle activity and all that. But remember she couldn’t measure the follicles so all she could tell me was ovulation was on its way. She then said to not drink too much and run another test late that night after holding my urine for a couple of hours, which I did, and saw that the line had completely disappeared – as in, I’d give it about a 2 on the scale; it looked like tests I had taken several days before. Since this was about 16 hours later, all I could think was the surge must have happened during the day and was now on its way out, which meant I would ovulate Saturday, so we did the IUI.
For Friday and Saturday I didn’t take my temperature because of the getting up and peeing thing, not sleeping, etc; I knew I’d get inaccurate results, that it would just confuse me, and didn’t matter anyway since the clinic only asks for the positive OPK. Afterwards I asked if I should take my temperature to confirm ovulation or progesterone production, but they said I shouldn’t need to since the lining was so good this time; they seemed to think good lining = ovulation & progesterone production. So I didn’t temp Sunday.
But then I started worrying about this whole progesterone thing. What if I didn’t take it and lost a potential pregnancy? They said they would call me Monday to talk about it, and Monday AM I took my temp at a normal time – and it was an astounding 96.8, which is what my temp usually dips to the day I ovulate. I was horrified. Was I ovulating Monday and not Saturday? Had I just thrown $880 down the toilet? For the record I took it again about ½ hour later when I was still in bed and it was 97.7. But one thing for sure, even if the temp is 97.7, there’s no way I’m making progesterone, since 97.7 for me is barely coverline. So when the lady called she said she didn’t think I needed it but I could definitely go on progesterone if I want – the good news is it can’t hurt. I told her about that temp and she didn’t really have an answer for it, but said based on my history with post-O temps being low it certainly wouldn’t hurt. So I shelled out $45 and got on two weeks of progesterone suppositories, 200 mgs each. Tried the first last night before bed. Haven’t noticed anything yet. Temp still 97.7 this morning. It will be interesting if the whole time I’m on progesterone my temps NEVER go up. This can only mean for some reason progesterone production isn’t reflected in my temps. But my guess is it will probably kick in in a few days. Also last night before I put in the progesterone my temp was 99.0, which is way high for me. Wondering if the natural progesterone production was kicking in or what. But then why would the temp be low again this morning? Christ, who knows.
So with the low temp yesterday and all day long twingy pains in my right ovary I began to worry that I was ovulating Monday. I don’t really see how this is possible – Monday would be CD 18 for me (way late), and how to explain the OPKs? Would the ultrasound really have shown that much activity three days early? I wish I could call the clinic and ask them all this stuff, but it’s irrelevant, really – I want to ask if my cervix position during the IUI looked like ovulation was imminent; but of course it did, or she wouldn’t have done it. She said it did. Could “imminent” mean two days later? It could. Oh, if only I were dealing with live sperm none of this would matter – with frozen I’ve got a lousy 12 hour window. And as noted there are no guarantees of anything at all. But that slightly light OPK is nagging at me. Usually they’re much darker. And I did have an instance last month where I took one during the day that was lighter than the one in the morning, and then it was darker again. So, I may have fucked up this time, I’ll be honest.
The good news is I AM OVULATING. So even if this one’s a BFN I really don’t see any cause to go the miserable RE route; I don’t think it’s worthwhile to get my Day 3 labs run this time, not until I’ve failed one or two more times. And the good news is as soon as I discover this one’s a bust it’s only two weeks until the next try, and I’ll for sure be in town and available for whatever is necessary. So, that’s the good part.
I’ve decided to film myself taking the test. I have been running a video log of this whole process from day one, so since this *may* be the seminal moment, I would like to document it. Even if it’s a disappointment. I think I can handle it. It’s all a process, right? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
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